I’d like a week with no ear infections
A week with no poopie pants inspections
A week with no fevers, vomit, or cough
Ha! Tis impossible, I hear you scoff
But I say twill happen, someday I swear
But I’ll probably be 80 and too old to care.
I’d like a week with no ear infections
A week with no poopie pants inspections
A week with no fevers, vomit, or cough
Ha! Tis impossible, I hear you scoff
But I say twill happen, someday I swear
But I’ll probably be 80 and too old to care.
All the “Kidsdom” (wisdom – kid style) I get to enjoy daily.
12 yr old: I’m so hot from walking home (lifts shirt to cool off). Ohhh, uh-oh, oh, one of my nipples is harder than the other!
Me: (looks up to see son rubbing nipples)
12 yr old: Oh wait, it’s ok, they’re both hard now.
Crisis averted.
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Practicing acts of kindness with my boys.
Me: Let’s try and do something kind for someone today.
12 yr: I did. I pooped AND flushed.
Me: …?
12 yr: You know, so you didn’t have to.
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Me: Why do you always only have 2 pairs of underwear in the laundry?
12 yr old: I’m thinking of you mom, trying to cut down on your work.
Me: Ewww!
12: I turn them inside out!!
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7 yr old: I saw something I want at the store.
Me: What was it?
7 yr old: I’m not exactly sure what it I but the box said Max iPad. Sounds cool.
Me: We need to chat.
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7 year old: When I grow up, I’m going to marry Aly.
Me: Oh, you like her huh?
7 yr old: No, but she never eats all her lunch. Daddy says it’s important to look for ways to save money.
Me: …..?
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(At public pool) “Look Mom, I’m making my own bubbles!!” – age 12
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12 yr old: I like how you smell.
Me: Awww, how sweet.
12 yr old: Ohhh, that fart I just let smells good too.
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Boy conversation in RV park PUBLIC shower:
11 yr old: I need to pee
12 yr old: I just did
11 yr old: look, I’m peeing on the wall!
12 yr old: listen (farts). Ohhh, a wet one!
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Recently, I was exclaiming how happy I was that my pants fit again.
Son: “Yeah but they make your butt look big.”
Me:____
Son: “I mean your hips. They make your hips look big.” – age 12
Ummm, much better?
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“When I grow up, I want to have a monkey and 2 turtles. But I don’t want to like ‘own’ the monkey and feed and pet it, I want to be ‘bro’s’ with it.” – age 12
My son spent the morning assuring me it was pajama day at day camp. It did not say this on the weekly itinerary so I had doubts. “Are you SURE they said it’s pajama day?” He looked at me, rolled his eyes and said “Mommy, I have short term memory loss! Really. I think that is what they said but how would I know?” – age 7
“It’s going to be a really good day. I know because my butthole hurts.” – age 11
“I won’t eat any broken chips, cracked fruit bars or the skin on pickles.” – age 4
“Ewww, the strawberries have pimples. Get them off!” – age 4
“No Mommy, don’t take him!! He’s my friiieeennnndd!” (huge, wet tears because I took away the booger on his finger) – age 3
Career day at school:
Me: Why are you wearing your Iron Man costume for career day?
Son: Because I want to be an ACTRESS (rolls eyes in “duh” style). – age 6
Son to girl he has a crush on, who was over to dinner: “Hahahahah! You have red stuff on your face and something stuck in your teeth. Wow, you sure eat a lot. Beeelllccchhh. ‘Scuse me.” – age 11
I’m not a 12 year old boy
Video games I don’t enjoy
Farts are icky
Boogers just sticky
I’m a mom who’s out of her league.
I’ve no desire to kill a worm
Watchin you defy death on your bike makes me squirm
I’ll pass on the poo tasting candy
Nope, don’t think burping your ABC’s comes in handy
I just want to relax, put up my feet
Drink a glass of wine with a chocolate treat.
I’m a mom who’s out of her league.
Chocolate oh Chocolate
Your name I adore
The sweet taste of your essence
Leaves me panting for more
I thrill in your silky caress
And shiver in your perfect embrace
Until we meet again
And I shove you all in my face.
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