Dear Wife – How We REALLY Feel About Your Friends

My wife is always trying to talk to me about her friends. What they are doing, what they said, what they wore. She got mad the other night when I did not pick up on her hostility about something her best friend recently said to her. Which made me realize, I need to provide women some insight into how we, as your husbands, boyfriends or “wanna-be” boyfriends, really feel about your girlfriends. Our feelings (like so much of what I say) are simple; we don’t care. We don’t care that Tina just broke up with the third guy this month and can’t seem to keep a man. We don’t care that Holly lost her job and might have to move back in with her mom. We don’t care that Monica is going to Hawaii with her boss on a “business” trip. We….don’t…

Ok, now that said, there is one small caveat to this, we don’t care……unless your girlfriend is smoking Hot. Then we don’t mind hearing how she broke up with her boyfriend, lost her job and is boning the boss. It feeds our imagination.

Now I know the women reading this are thinking “PIG!” but I am not lying when I say this is pretty much universal ladies. Your man may listen to you as you detail how your ugly friend Trisha’s mom has cancer and he may even provide a sympathetic head nod, but what he is really thinking about is more along the lines of “what’s for dinner” and “will you be putting out tonight?” If he does seem really interested in your friend story, then he is thinking about the latter and hoping his attention will ensure you’ll be putting out tonight.

It’s not that we are insensitive, self-absorbed pigs as I so often hear. It’s more that your friends have no positive impact in our lives – unless they are hot. They don’t cook for us, they don’t sleep with us, they usually don’t have anything interesting to say to us so we choose to not occupy brain space with any useless information about them. Now, if they are the Hot friend, then they do play a positive role in our lives. They give us infinite fodder for fantasies.

Now before you go getting all huffy about this this does not mean we don’t love YOU. It doesn’t even mean we would ever try and sleep with your Hot friend. It just means we are visual creatures and enjoy the view when she is around. And on nights when you have a headache, we might indulge in a little fantasy about you and Hot friend getting it on. But we still love you. We still think you’re hot, and we still want you in our bed at night. But, if you ever have the desire to bring Hot friend with you, we won’t argue.

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