Rhyme Time

It’s Magical This Time of Year

Tis the season, that magical time of year

When the Elf on the Shelf comes, to spread some cheer

His gangly red limbs, my boys do adore

His weird ass smile I do deplore

Each night in panic, at midnight I wake

Rushing to move him, so much at stake

My boys still believe, the magic is real

But I hate this elf, that’s just how I feel

Each night must be better than the one before

I’m out of ideas, I’ll scour the internet no more

Maybe this year Jingle comes with a letter

“I’m old these days and I’m not getting better

It’s all I can do to get here each night

So I’m staying put in the line of sight

No more flour angels, no more Lego scenes

I’m old, I’m tired, and you know what that means?

I’m retiring next year, this Christmas is it

I’m moving to Maui; no more Christmas sh*t.”

He’ll sign it with love, my boys will cry

“Why is Jingle retiring Mommy, why oh why?”

I’ll look at their faces, all sweet and sad

And tell them it’s because their fighting, made Jingle mad.

The Fidgles (Inside ADHD Me)

I’ve said it before and I will say it now

My body has been taken over somehow

I am racked with a disease or malady of sorts

I wiggle and shake and make funny snorts

I can’t sit still and my hands roam around

I fidget and hop, up and down up and down

Sitting is horrid, like being tied to a bed

My head’s filled with songs and important things to be said

I MUST get them out, before I forget stuff

But I’m being shushed and told it’s enough!

I’ve named this disease, this malady I have

It’s Fidgles and so far the only thing that works

Is to give in to wiggles, fidgets & shouts in short spurts.

4 Arms

If I had four arms, oh the things I could do

I could brush my hair while tying my shoes

I could get dressed while playing with my toys

Eat my dessert while drumming some noise

I could do my homework and pet the cat

And pick my nose while swinging a bat

If I had 4 arms, oh these things I could do

But I’d look rather silly I think. Don’t you?

The Sames

I’d like to buy the toy by the guy who says “bye”

And sail in the ship that’s on sale

I’d like to eat two too many tootsie rolls

And pray to never be a dinos prey

I’d like to hear the band play near here

And know that no means no

But all these sames make my head spin

And now I have to go

My Need

ADHD you’re exhausting me
Today I can’t deal, I need to be free
I cannot listen to your favorite song
Or say “no” to Slurpees all day long
I cannot pick up ONE. MORE. SOCK.
My eyes are glued to the slow moving clock
I need this day done
I need you in bed
I need some quiet for my aching head
I love you my son, more than you know
Today I can’t handle the ADHD show
I feel so guilty, wishing you away
But I need a break, just for a day
Please understand, I’m doing my best
ADHD is winning, I just need to rest

The Digger

I have a secret, please don’t tell

It’s shameful and horrid I might go to hell

It happens each night, when all are asleep

And into my kitchen I silently creep

I’m careful of noise, quiet as a mouse

No one can know this happens in my house

Deep into the dark recesses, I reach down

Fingers fumbling, so cold, till it’s found

I smile as it opens, so full and lush

The stress in my brain begins to hush

I begin the shameful act of digging to find

The treats in the ice cream, they’re all mine

I leave the pint, mottled and sad

I’m an ice cream digger, I know, it’s bad.

It’s Not Fine

I cannot referee a War of Farts

Or judge the best Booger Art

I don’t care who hit who first

Or who made the toilet smell the worst

I am not the mom who likes to see

Snails in the sink. I don’t care how they pee.

Please my sons, try to understand

I’m a girl, I like pink, not farting in front of a fan

I find no joy in watching you fight

Or a contest for who can stay up all night

I need a little peace, some chocolate and wine

And no poop left in the toilet. It’s NOT fine!

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